Vintage Vertigo..by Flay Dinkelbach
(c) By Flay Dinkelbach...continued from front page
... Depending on the published source or whim of an individual authority, “MINT” can be defined in any of the following ways:
“….like new, as if freshly minted” or
“…showing no signs of wear whatsoever.” or
“…original or in as new condition and free of any flaws.” or
“…a high degree of perfection.” or
“…quality being as high as the day it was produced.”
I confess that much of my adolescent education was sabotaged by surging testosterone, but I did manage to finally grasp the function of a dictionary, and therefore, given the evidence, I’m gonna have to say that “MINT” means “MINT”.
On a given day there will be nearly 15,000 motorcycles up for bid on all of the E-Auction boards. E-Classifieds will harbor about a million units with Craigslist leading the pack and posting an impressive 680,000 or so nationwide. That’s a lot of bikes. The down side, of course, is the fact that “face to face” with the seller is often impossible – opening the door for unbridled Flim-Flam. Some implication of “MINT” will be visible in about 35% of all the posted ads. Here’s where it gets embarrassing. What follows are some actual excerpts from private seller ads whose authors have mangled the “M” word. By now, these should look familiar to you as this kind of oxy-moronic absurdity can, sadly, be witnessed on a daily basis. Enjoy.
- “…THIS THING IS MINT!......with the usual dents and dings that you would normally find on a 35 yr. old motorcycle.”
- “ABSOLUTELY MINT! NOT A SCRATCH!!...there is an issue with the carb…”
- “ MINT!! NOT A BETTER EXAMPLE OUT THERE!! NEVER SEEN RAIN!! NEVER SEEN SUN!!!....some paint fading on the right side of the tank.”
- “ MINT! BETTER THAN ORIGINAL!!” (In other words….unoriginal)
- “MINT ORIGINAL!!!....converted to café racer.”
- “RARE MINT COLLECTIBLE!!!!......needs some TLC but ran when parked 11 years ago.”
- (and the impossible) “BETTER THAN MINT!!!”
Most of these sellers are, in a way, more forthcoming than the average used bike dealer in that they unwittingly divulge a stain or two. The dealerships, as you might expect, typically offer nothing in the way of mechanical or cosmetic imperfections and are generally more practiced in the art of nondisclosure. I’ve seen dealership bikes with upwards of 45,000 miles on the clock represented as being in “mint condition”. I rather doubt the internals of any well-used bike are in original condition. And by the way, Webster’s identifies the words “Mint Condition” as an “Idiom”. Interestingly, further examples of idioms include; “Pulling My Leg”, “Pay Through the Nose” and “Smells Fishy”.
I’ll tell you another thing I’ve noticed – “mint” seems to be more an affectation of a stumbling economy than the actual condition of a particular vehicle. The deeper our economy glugs into the mire, the higher the availability of mint condition machinery. It’s uncanny, really, but having dug between the lines, I’ve surmised that it all boils down to one thing – desperation to sell. I don’t begrudge a single person the need to make a few bucks but please realize that most of us are keenly aware of the value, collectibility and historical significance of a given vintage motorcycle. Nor are we swayed by an abundance of exclamation points (i.e. MINT!!!!!!!!!).
A hint here; if you’re going to represent your dog-eared CT70 as being “RARE and COLLECTIBLE”, then make sure that that particular model doesn’t tumble and scatter like cordwood from the bed of every swap meet pickup truck (because it does). And just cuz your ol’ Unkle Bohicket “come acrosst” a rusty wretch in his backwoods, corn squeezin’s storage facility, doesn’t necessarily add 700 dollars to the actual value of the item (cuz it don’t).
The opportunities for e-scammery are many and varied. The adage “If it looks too good to be true…” has, in my mind, evolved into “It’s always worse than it appears”. Who among you didn’t figure out, like twenty years ago, that the photograph always makes the bike look better than it does in person? Who among you hasn’t traveled 163.7 miles, desperately clinging to the hope that this time the seller did not misrepresent his motorcycle? And who among you are weary of the currently warped and watered-down concept of “mint condition”? To say that a lesser vehicle is in mint condition is to do a monumental disservice to the dedicated restoration artist.
But don’t take it from me; take it from the dictionary and the web authorities – “MINT” means “MINT”. Now, somebody help me down off of this horse, I’m gettin’ dizzy.
